Monday, December 23, 2013

There Was a Time I Liked Christmas

I don't know if I even enjoy Christmas anymore or not.

I have been thinking about this for the past week or so, but I honestly don't know what to think. As a little kid I enjoyed Christmas as much as anyone; I loved the decorations, the parties, the gifts, the music, etc etc. Now I am not so sure.

I mean, of course, Christmas is pretty and all, and the music can be catchy. But "pretty" is skin-deep, and the music gets old fast. There are only three Christmas songs that I can still say with all of my heart that I enjoy 100%. "Hark the Herald Angels Sing", "O Little Town of Bethlehem", and "O Come O Come Emmanuel". I will always love those songs, no matter what. But everything else? I'm not so sure.

What is it all about? We trade regular music for tunes we barely even like. We craft lists of stuff we "want" so we can get more stuff. We scramble to buy gifts for others so we feel less guilty, or so they don't get mad at us. We decorate our houses, attend parties and living nativities, watch Christmas specials, throw money around until we drop, and try to get into that "Christmas spirit".  What is the Christmas spirit, anyway? Is it when we hear a classic carol and feel all fuzzy inside? Is it when we look at the manger and a tear comes to our eye? Is it when we give someone a gift they've always wanted? What is it all for?

With every year the whole Christmas thing makes less and less sense to me. I even struggled with whether to write a post about this or not; because every year we "have" to write Christmas-related posts, and I didn't want to be just another blogger who fell into that category because that was me last year and I don't feel it this year. But I haven't written on here in eight days and this stuff is weighing heavily on my brain.

Every year since, I think, 2009, I've lost more of whatever gets me into that "Christmas spirit" and whatnot. 2009 was a hard year for me personally, to be honest. I had been looking forward to spending Christmas with relatives (the first year we spent the holiday away from home...big deal for me!), but a whole bunch of garbage finally culminated and was exposed on, of all days, December 25th. Worst part was we had lots of people to visit that day so I had to stuff it all down...yuck. Icky. Christmas 2011 was tough too, with my sister's major back surgery looming just after New Years' and myself having to deal with a new wave of junk in my life.  So now only part of my Christmas-related memories are good ones; the other half are bad ones. I suppose it is just part of growing up. In summary I'm pretty much torn between liking Christmas, hating Christmas, and not caring at all.

This year I've been so excited about the presents I made for my family that I have not had time to think about any presents I might get. I think I'm getting two, maybe three, I'm not sure, but I really don't care. I couldn't care less about getting presents (unless it's Cad Bane things...then I cry with happiness). Also this year I got stuck helping out backstage at our church's Christmas Eve service, which isn't terrible, but I would prefer staying home by myself while the family's gone...just me and the candlelight and whatever music I want. All well. Basically, the only meaning "the holidays" have for me now is having the family together again, catching up on writing and sleep, and take a short break from school. And that's all good. Save for those three songs I feel no obligation to retreat to holiday music, movies, or anything else. So if you love Christmas, good for you! I say make the most of it.

But here are my final thoughts. I think that if the things that make us joyful around Christmastime can't make us joyful all year round, there is no point in celebrating Christmas anyway. If we can't apply the real message of Christmas to the other 364 days of the year, why celebrate it in the first place? To me, it seems like a big waste of everyone's time.

Oh, by the way, I'm sorry if this post seems depressing or all that. I'm not depressed, just...albeit confused. And thinking about what to write. And thinking about Star Wars and anime stuff. And my heart is still walking through the National World War II Museum. A lot is on my mind and it would be nice if my brain could take a day off tomorrow, but it won't.

Have a good time with your families and don't eat too much sugar.

~ Hey, everyone, one last thing...from Dec. 16 through Dec. 20, almost 200 copies of "Resistance" were download!! Thank you everyone for the support!

Like my Facebook or follow my Twitter for more updates on upcoming "Free for five days" in the future! ~

1 comment:

  1. Hi!

    Precisely my feelings. I'm not entirely sure what to think of Christmas anymore either. I kind of want to recapture the innocent joy I used to feel at this time of year, but at the same time I feel as if my eyes have been opened and maybe I should just leave things as is for now.

    You brought up some really profound things; if some things only make us happy at Christmastime, are they really worth it? If we are not living out Christ's message all throughout the year, there is no meaning to celebrating his birth on one day by showering ourselves with gifts. More and more the Christmas season is just about selfishness and commercialism, so...there is less and less meaning to it. Practically the only thing that means anything to me about the holiday season now is that I don't have school; everything else is just bleh even though I do like looking at the decorations.But then I haven't been out on the town (to the mall or stores) in forever so I don't even get to see those.

    You have a lot of legitimate questions, and I'd just say to go with your 'gut feeling' when it comes to the Christmas hullaballo.
    Hope you have a fabulous time with your family, and congratulations on the number of copies of your book that were downloaded! I'm about halfway through 'Resistance' and I'm loving it, as dark as it is.:)