Sunday, April 19, 2015

Sleep and Cad Bane are under-appreciated

The past three days were very overwhelming for me.

On Thursday, we got more canon info on Bane, plus new dialogue and the rough footage, and concept art (I already went over all of this in my previous post). That was huge for me emotionally. Literally everything else we got was “okay, now that's pretty cool” and then new Bane wrecked me.

Plus there was the Episode VII trailer.

It may seem odd that a few new canon things on Bane would make me more emotional than the trailer for a new Star Wars film. Maybe it is a bit freaky, but it's just true. Not that I didn't love the Episode VII trailer - it was AMAZING. Makes me really excited to see the saga continue! Although sometimes I think I'm more excited to go see a movie together with my family, because there are very few franchises that our entire family enjoys. Hunger Games is one of them, and Star Wars is another. When I think of Episode VII I look forward to the day when our whole family will go to the theatre together and have a great time.

Unfortunately, while all of this new Star Wars stuff was going down, I was in a hotel room with three other people because we were attending the MACHE conference in St. Paul (MACHE is a homeschool conference; I enjoy it because there are lots of good book sales and interesting things to learn. Plus my mom sells used curriculum books). So I had to keep calm rather than let my emotions go. That wore me out.

On Friday, I posted about my sister Hannah for a thing called No Shame Day on Tumblr. It is a day where disabled people (and from what I heard, relatives of disabled people) can post selfies or stories about their experiences. I made a post sharing a bit of Hannah's story and some of my experiences having a handicapped sister. I got a very mixed response, including some anonymous messages who called me some pretty ugly things, and said I should kill myself. I was also overwhelmed when I discovered that my post about Hannah had over 855 notes!! I honestly expected little more than 20 or so from mutual followers. But after getting all the terrible messages, I almost regretted making that post.

On Saturday, during the conference, I had about a few hours to decide whether to make a huge investment in a future job or not. Specifically, there was a huge discount for a training course to get me a job, and the discount was only available for a few more hours. (You pressure at all /sarcasm). I ultimately declined but that was still a lot to process, thinking about my future and my writing career and everything. Plus, I was still recovering from Thursday and Friday.

All of this happened while I was away from home at a homeschool convention. I got the Star Wars news and the anon hate while I was on my laptop between breaks. Then I was shopping for books with my other sister, visiting sessions, helping my mom sell books, meeting people, and walking around a lot. So to process all that was going on while keeping a straight face at the really wore me out. I think if I had been at home while all of this happened, I would have been in a better emotional, mental, and physical state. But I don't regret going to the conference. It was just bad timing for everything. Like of course I'm out of town when new Bane stuff happens!

On top of that I was also sick - as in, can't keep down a few sips of coffee kind of sick. I think this can be partially blamed for all that was happening. When I am very emotional about things like this, it takes its toll on my health. I have to remind myself to drink water, eat something, and rest.

But I'm home now, and I'm no longer sick. Safe and sound at home.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I just want to chill at home and be with my family, and I want to do a Cad Bane marathon (watching all his episodes in chronological order). I don't need anything else.

Also this week, expect me to post a lot of new analysis and meta, based on the new canon we have for Bane. I have a lot planned and it's going to be awesome!


  1. Wow, I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult week. I can't believe you got anon hate on Tumblr that's absurd. Please know you are completely entitled to your feelings; in fact, please go read this. I hope it helps you feel a bit better. :)

  2. oh wow. that sounds like you had a crazy week. I'm so sorry you felt so bad. but also HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I hope you have an amazing day! Stay rad.